It all began thirty years ago with a three-legged white llama on the back roads of the Bas St. Laurent, the south shore of the St. Lawrence River. At the time, the area was a poor, agricultural sibling to the chic north shore ski hills and chalets.
On a photographic safari, my friends and I were drawn to the llama and its tall black poodle companion. While leaning on their wooden corral, a towering man, resembling a James Bond villain, appeared, gold teeth and all. We braced ourselves to be aggressively warned off the property, but his response surprised us.
"His name is Blanco," he said, "He was born with a bent leg. His mother wouldn't nurse him, so we took him in, and our dog Negro became his best friend."
He invited us to see more animals, leading us through rustic barns filled with the scent of hay and warm animals. In the last pen, pink piglets squirmed over each other, squealing.
"Do you raise them for food?" we asked, expecting the usual answer.
"Absolutely not," he replied in horror. He hugged himself to emphasize his meaning as he said, “pour l’amitié (for companionship). “We could never kill any of our animals,” he shuddered.
We Highly Sensitive People ( HSP ) need authenticity like we need air to breathe. In this blog post, I'll explore why authenticity is a cherished quality among HSPs and how and where to find authenticity.
The Authentic Nature of HSPs
One of the defining characteristics of HSPs is their inherent authenticity. Unlike less sensitive individuals who tend to filter their thoughts and emotions, HSPs often approach people with the openness of a trusted friend. They speak their minds, revealing their true selves, even when sometimes they wish they had not.
This unfiltered honesty can be both a strength and a vulnerability. Less sensitive people may misinterpret this authenticity as gullibility, take the information an HSP shares, and use it for their own benefit.
Empathy and Authenticity
HSPs are also known for their heightened empathy. Their brains show greater activation in areas like the insula when exposed to emotional stimuli, reflecting a deep capacity to feel their own feelings, which makes them more sensitive to the feelings of others.
HSPs often assume that others feel the same intensity of emotions as they do, which leads them to offer assistance and support more readily. However, this can be misunderstood by those who are less empathic, leading to perceptions that HSPs are weak, or ‘people-pleasers’.
Finding Authentic Connections
Connecting with authentic people is essential for maintaining emotional well-being. So where, and how, do you find authentic individuals? Authenticity tends to disappear in competitive environments. In environments requiring cooperation authenticity thrives, as there is no advantage in wielding power over others. Being open and transparent in these settings is not only a virtue but a necessity for survival.
Environments in which people need to cooperate to achieve a greater task, or defeat a greater foe than each other, tend to nurture authenticity and transparency. It has been my observation that careers that involve cooperating with your neighbours to overcome natural obstacles, e.g. farming, fishing, logging, or herding, breed authenticity. The less wealthy also tend to be more authentic than individuals with more advantages, perhaps because they need the support of their neighbours and friends.
To find authentic individuals, consider the following strategies:
1. Live in a rural or isolated area: Rural and isolated environments tend to foster authenticity, as individuals here often rely on each other for support and survival.
2. Connect with authentic people: Build relationships with individuals who cooperate with others. For example, individuals who work on the land, such as farmers, loggers, wine-growers, forest rangers, herders, etc. are more likely to appreciate authenticity.
3. Connect with individuals who love and/or preserve nature, such as hikers, or back-country canoeists. Research into authenticity found that it was related to feeling connected to nature. For example, research has shown that a training program in the remote wilderness increased authentic leadership. There are many organizations that work towards preservation of nature and the environment, including the Sierra Club.
3. Individuals who are disadvantaged, whether due to poverty, physical disability, frailty, or circumstance are often more authentic, because they need to cooperate with their friends, family and neighbours in order to thrive. If you don’t know any such people, volunteer at organizations such as nursing homes, immigrant-aid organizations, food banks, hospitals etc.
Protecting Yourself as an HSP
To protect yourself from inauthentic individuals, consider the following strategies:
1. Recognize differences in empathy.
a. Just because you perceive someone as being in great pain, doesn’t mean they feel actually feel the pain to the same extent. You do not need to take excessive responsibility for others.
b. Understand that not everyone experiences emotions as intensely as you do, thus not everyone will be as empathic as you are. If someone is not empathic to your difficulties, they aren’t necessarily a selfish person. They may simply not perceive your experience as being as important as you do.
3. Avoid, or set very clear boundaries with, individuals who prefer to act from a power mind-set and do not nurture reciprocal relationships. Learn to protect yourself by setting boundaries and using phrases like "I don't feel comfortable doing that."
In conclusion, authenticity is a precious quality among highly sensitive people. While it may be misunderstood by less sensitive individuals, it is a strength that can lead to deep and meaningful connections with others who appreciate the genuine nature of HSPs. By understanding the value of authenticity and taking steps to protect yourself in various environments, you can thrive as a highly sensitive person.
If you would like to find out how you can live your most authentic life, please contact me at www.highlysensitivesociety.com to book a complimentary consultation about my services. I’m happy to help.